When You’re Losing the Culture War…

You start targeting shit that no one cares about, like in-room hotel porn. No, you’re not really, are you? Yes, we are! But, why? Well, our president turned out to be a total bust whose only talent is to generate wars and violence, and while sent from Jesus’ flock, he has not done the Lord’s work as efficiently as we had hoped. And the End of the World has not Left Behind the evil ones and ascended us to Heaven yet, so through great organizations such as the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America, we can sit in our suburban ranch homes watching soap operas and try to make a difference somehow.

By eliminating the option of porn on the pay-per-view channels of major hotel chains, we can breathe a sigh of relief when our husbands go off on business to Atlanta or Houston or San Diego, knowing that only pure and wholesome programming awaits them in their lonely room. Like American Idol or Wife Swap. Sure, there may be an increase in phone calls to sex chat lines, or maybe even a jump in prostitution, but we’ll deal with that next! Praise the Lord!

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