Long-time readers will remember a segment we used to throw up here at The Booze Cabinet on a semi-regular basis called “Letters from Andrew.” It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to catch up with Andrew, and indeed, I thought he may have been lost forever, to a cult or militia or a swamp in upstate New York. But this week, out of the gray sky comes a brand new dispatch from our friend, and it is chock full of insight and insanity (and slightly edited for space).
I now present…with pride…the latest installment of…Letters from Andrew:
I now pronounce you man and wife. It makes for a weird conversation when I tell people to go to “man and wife tube dot come” and watch video X. (X is a variable universal to all shell scripts, brains, and eyes).
I’ve not recently gone to a bowling alley. That’s a shame. Blake 18 or what where they? They rocked. Then there was the after party at 1313 N.where I almost beat up the mayor (good thing he wasn’t there).
Have you gotten over you habit of eating frosting and lard for breakfast? Judy told me, but I want to compare the answers. As for me, I have a diesel compressor (486 hp) that sprays the condiment of my choice, and that’s what I do for breakfast. You don’t know how many times the sheriff and I have lunch. The neighbors hate my, what with all their broken windows and walls and all, but the sheriff, well I make them pay for the subs.
I digress though. We will not talk about that stuff that everybody else does. What was the deal with stamps and office supplies amounting to $50 grand though? I know it’s akind of a thing now.
It’s not too often you get a rude tool both attendant shuving fries and mayonaise in your car/face, but if you do, I can guarantee you that you won’t find the appropriate reaction until the transaction has ended. When was the last time you used “shuving” in text? Did you spell it right? I don’t know if I did, but no backspace/delete for me! If you need to contact me further, I’ll be happily residing inhaving fun with curly haired girls.
a) Educate you and everyone else
b) Hang out with curly haired girls
c) Erica Jablonski has curly/waivey hair
d) Erica Jablonski (see (c)) was born on April 15th, just
e) Don’t participate in lists or “itemized lists”
f) Stop what you’re doing
g) Buy every CD ever recorded
h) Buy every Mavericks CD and optionally (mandatory)
get that girl’s name, the one standing under the
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to a peppermint factory where I’m very needed,