Shark Hunt, Terror Gels, and Lunar Domination

Back from Florida and 80 degree weather and yes, that water you see below, the Atlantic Ocean, was warmer than a nice bath. At one point I was hypnotized by a school of fish riding across the crest of a wave, real fish, big fish (I’d hold my hands apart but you wouldn’t believe me) and then boom! The wave crashed into me and knocked me back. I can’t believe that more people don’t drown in these waters (or maybe they do) because the force was so powerful, the back and forth, and finally I looked up at the old moon barely visible in the sky and said “Okay, you win, buddy.”

I tried my best to outsmart the airline security ridiculousness by putting my terror gels, lotions, and explosives in my checked baggage, but unfortunately a jet wheel ran over my bag at some point and when I got home my shaving cream, deodorant, and everything else had been crushed and exploded inside my bag. My toothbrush tasted very medicinal this morning. My glasses, which were in a hard case inside a bag that was inside my bag, were bent but not broken. Who’s winning the war on terrorism? Not me. All plans were foiled. My vision is lopsided.

Other than that, my adventures were smooth and painless, free of any hassles from The Man. Florida was as I remembered it, not having been there for at least ten years or so. There were iguanas and tiny frogs but I didn’t encounter any crocs like I hoped. No sting rays either. I watched “Jaws” one night on late night cable tv and have to admit that when I saw those fish dancing across the wave I wondered whether any sharks were close behind. It didn’t keep me out of the water though, I was kind of hoping to see something pop out and everyone run for the shore, but the sharks were full after Thanksgiving and not interested in tasty human flesh.

I couldn’t help but be reminded of one of my favorite lines in Dumb and Dumber whilst in the great state of Florida though:

“Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I’ll be right back. Don’t you go dying on me!”


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